The Tooth About Fairies

"How did I get here?" I whispered, annoyed at my inability to break loose from the situation.

It was a loss cause.

I assumed they would find my remains in the morning. I could just hear the sound bytes used by various news shows;


"Local Mom Trapped While Trying To Impersonate Tooth Fairy. News at 11."


Oh, and the ensemble they would find me wearing!! With my smeared eyeliner and over sized stripped shirt, I would either be accused of imitating a poorly dressed pirate or one of these guys:

But, I digress.

As Julie Andrews so beautifully sang while playing the part of the naive and goodhearted nun, Maria: "Let's start at the very beginning......a very good place to start."

It was like any other morning. The girls were moving through the house like three toed sloths, stopping to stare off into space in between every menial task I asked of them. And then there is me, hopping around and pointing to the clock like the proverbial "white rabbit", hoping to scare some urgency into them by yelling out ,"We're late! We're late!!"

Whether she was actually motivated by my bunny hop, or just disturbed by the performance, Ava seemed to respond by shoveling cereal into her mouth at a pace that rivaled the starving orphans from Oliver.

(Apparently, this whole post is going to be chalk full of comparisons to literary characters and musicals. My apologies. I am what happens when a folk singing, musical loving, English major breeds with a folk dancing, musical loving, bibliophile. I never had a chance...)

Suddenly, I heard my sweet Ava "yelp". I ran over to her, concerned that her big, blue eyes had more than doubled in size.

"Mah toot!" she said, pointing frantically to her mouthful of cereal.

"What?!"

"Maaahh TOOT!"

"Oh, your tooth...... (gasp!) YOUR TOOTH?!!"

I peered inside her open mouth and sure enough, under a cluster of half chewed Fruit Loops, there was an empty socket where a baby tooth once resided. Quickly overcoming my aversion to "ABC food", I fished around the multicolored mush and retrieved the infant tooth.

As I cleaned and safeguarded her prized keepsake in a plastic bag, Ava danced around me, giddy with excitement. It finally happened! She had been waiting for this day from the moment she felt that little tooth wiggle. Tonight was the night that she would finally get to experience.....

The Tooth Fairy.

For weeks she had been fretting over what this night would be like. Ava's stuffed animal tea parties were replaced with round table discussions on whether or not Ms. Fairy left toys as well as money and if so, would she consider leaving a red whistle?

She asked every tooth fairy veteran she could find a series of detailed questions relating to their personal "Tooth Fairy experience".

"How much did she leave you?"

"Does she favor coins or paper money?"

"Was it U.S. or foreign currency?"

Ava's research was so thorough, that I considered selling it to college students who were looking for a Senior thesis. At any rate, I started to get nervous. Short of dressing up like a fairy and rigging a pulley system so that I could fly around Ava's bedroom, I was pretty sure we weren't going to live up to her 5 year old fantasy.

As I watched Ava skip up the walkway to preschool with her tooth bag in tow (she was a hit at show and tell) panic began to set in. Luckily, I married a lovely man who is great under pressure and after a brief pow wow, he reminded me that Ava's most requested Tooth Fairy spoils were really quite simple: 4 "coins" and a small toy. I pulled 4 quarters from my purse and Adam volunteered to pick up a toy on his way home. Ava becomes excited about free gifts at the bottom of our cereal boxes, so any small trinket would work. (Well, anything but a whistle. Ms. Fairy draws the line at the constant, shrill "Pweeeet" of dollar store torture.)

As bed time drew closer, I found myself becoming excited as well. It was to be our first ever Tooth Fairy visit! Teeth were brushed, prayers were said and Ava's precious tooth was placed gently under her pillow. After a quick reminder that, much like our friend Santa, the Tooth Fairy wouldn't come until she knew you were asleep, my ever obedient Ava turned over and squeezed her eyes shut.

Thus began my "Fairy Adventure".....

I waited one whole Grey's Anatomy and half a 30 Rock before creeping up the stairs to her room. I ran through "Operation T.F.'s" checklist in my head.

4 coins......check!

small toy.......che-

I looked in the bag. Oh, it was there alright. All 10 feet of it.

Adam knew that Ava had been asking for a jump rope for sometime, and this was the perfect opportunity to surprise her with one. I wholeheartedly agreed with my thoughtful husband.

And then I realized that I would need to stuff this bulky wad of rope under 2 feet of thin, pink pillow......without waking the slumbering recipient.

I tip toed into Ava's room. Any hope that the stars would align and her little head would be on the far side of her bed, quickly vanished when I saw her resting defiantly, smack dab in the middle of the pillow.

I looked down at my over sized, prison stripped pj's and attempted to muster up even the tiniest bit of stealth or ninja-like qualities. I took a deep breath, and slowly began to slide my hand underneath her pillow to retrieve the tooth.

Yes! Mission completed! She was out like a light.

I replaced the tooth with 4 shiny quarters and slid the bag back under her pillow.

Wait! There's movement!! We have movement!

Ava shifted her body towards me. I ducked quickly behind her bed, my hand still grasping the coins..........and still under her pillow. Peeking out from behind her mattress, I surveyed Ava's new position. Her face was now inches from my own. The sweat began to gather on my forehead as I inched my arm out from beneath her (unusually heavy?) head.

Now that the coins were in place, I had but one more assignment. I clutched the jump rope and, little by little, began the delicate task of situating the toy below her noggin. I thought my heart would stop every time I heard the packaging CRACKLE and POP. The rope was almost completely covered by pillow when I felt Ava begin to shift once more. I darted back down behind the bed, leaving my arm behind, and waited breathlessly for the movement to stop.

It did stop.......but not before she GRABBED ONTO MY ARM!

I sat there, frozen, not sure what to do. Ava slept soundly while clinging to my arm like one of her stuffed, bedtime companions. I came out from my hiding place to survey the situation. One thing was for sure- I could not risk the possibility of her waking up to see her clumsy, pajama clad mom in place of the tooth fairy. What kind of a parent ruins the magic of the tooth fairy on her first try?!?

So I sat there. My hand still holding the rope, Ava still holding me.

As my arm began to tingle and go numb, I felt a new understanding for the many stories I've heard of wayward hikers who's various limb(s) have been trapped underneath falling rocks and who, desperate to be free, make the decision to part with said limb(s). But alas, I was without a pocket knife or sharp stick, so I settled for perusing a copy of "One Fish, Two Fish" instead.

After what seemed like hours (but was merely minutes) Ava loosened her grip on my arm enough that I was able to release the jump rope and complete my Tooth Fairy duties.

When she bounded down the stairs the next morning, waving her tooth fairy loot, I was pretty sure that she was oblivious to what had transpired the night before. There was, however, a moment of panic when she came up to me, holding her bag of quarters with tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong honey?" (Please don't remember. Please don't remember.)

"I (sniffle) m-miss my b-baby tooth (sniffle)."

I was surprised at how quickly my own tears began to form as I rocked and comforted my sweet girl. (Though I really shouldn't have been surprised. For Pete's sake, I cry at America's Next Top Model.)

"It's OK, Av's. Just think about the new "grown-up" tooth that will take it's place! How cool is that?"

I did my best to convince us both that this loss was a good thing. That it was an exciting and essential part of growing up-a new beginning of sorts.

While my words seemed to comfort Ava, who scampered off to look at her new toothless grin in the mirror, I realized how fleeting these last moments of Ava's "baby dome" really were.

And right then, a night with Ava, clinging tightly to my arm, sounded just like heaven.