LOVE/HATE

So sorry I don't have a BANDIT post for you today! Natty's sweet Gram passed away which had her traveling last week and our best intentions were foiled by that unpredictable beast we call " Life".   But, you can see her Bandit post on the topic from last week here.

And next Wednesday I will a have post on my new BB topic from Natalie, which is, drum roll please.....


"My Dad is a Dapper Man".


*blink*


Are you imagining my Dad as this guy too?

Isn't he fancy?

Well, rules are rules. Whatever topic I'm given, of that I must write. So get out your top hat and shine up your monocle. We're about to get dapper up in here!

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Since you're already here, and I've warmed up my chair and I have a few of these to keep me company, I wanted to record a few thoughts I've been having, well pangs really, about my little girls.

They've been naughty.

I find myself having to continually give them the same instructions over and over and yet, they completely disregard them. I'm not asking for the moon or my pre-baby body back, just a very simple request:

STOP GROWING.

For some reason they think it's hilarious, dissolving into a fit of giggles,  anytime I make this demand. I don't think they realize that I am quite serious. That I died a little when Mia just couldn't squeeze her feet into her first pair of ballet shoes anymore and  when didn't want me to hold her hand at preschool drop off. That my heart felt like it could very well burst as I watched Ava walking off to first grade, not a speck of concern that I wouldn't be with her the entire day.

I'm trying not to panic. I'm resisting the urge to shout, "Just kidding!" at their teachers and take them immediately home so I won't miss a second of their fleeting childhood. I want to resist the inevitable,

but I also want to enjoy every stage of their lives.

I have what you would call  a love/hate relationship with those little girls getting less and less little.  And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone.

Love: That my girls are getting tall enough to cover most of my flab (caused from having them and maintained by eating these) in pictures. I'm pretty sure in every family picture since Ava reached 3 feet I've "coincidentally"  maneuvered myself to be right behind her, my white knuckles grasping her shoulders, whispering, "Don't move!" through a clenched smile.

Hate: That they're getting tall! Their limbs have quadrupled in size and seem to resist being cradled and rocked at all hours of the day. They much prefer running, jumping, dancing and twirling.......naughty limbs.

Love: That they have their own ideas, thoughts and opinions. That they tell jokes that make no sense to anyone but them, and laugh harder because of it. That they sing at the top of their lungs to a melody only they know.

Hate: That I don't have as much control over what fills those little minds. That they might listen to someone else who may tell them they are "less than", or "not enough". That there is any chance of them losing an ounce of their shine to a "Spindle".

Love: That they are becoming aware of all the fabulous music in the world. That they can sing songs ranging  from ABBA to The Frames, and a dozen musicals in between. I can't help but smile when those sweet voices cut through the music and wander up to the front of the car.

Hate: They are becoming very aware of music. Even the "not so appropriate for their age group" kind. Like, for example, when Mia was asked by her Sunday School teacher what her favorite church song was and she belted out, "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga.

*sigh* 

I blame Glee.

Love: That they are discovering how to build new relationships. Our rides home are filled with chatter about who shared a toy with them, who played with them at recess, who invited them to a birthday party. It's amazing to see them sharpen their social skills and seek out the personalities they are drawn to. And let's be honest, no one wants their kid eating lunch alone, or heaven forbid,  picked last for freeze tag. (Do kids still play freeze tag?) So it does my heart good when I hear little voices cheer and excitedly greet my girls as they walk up to school.

So far we've avoided wedgies and slam books and girls named "Heather" telling them to "Beat it, you Dweeb!"..........so far.   (I just made it sound like my girls go to school in a 1985 Teen Wolff movie, didn't I?)

Hate: Knowing that the drama can't be prevented, especially for girls, and that one day there will be a "Heather".

Love: How one teaches the other.

Mia: "Mom, what does 'creepy' mean?"

Ava: (before I could answer) "Creepy means....like, when you see a Big Foot." (??)

Ava: "Mia, you can tell someone was good when they were little because they are pretty when they are big."

Mia: (her eyes wide, contemplating her 3 years of rascally behavior) "Ohhhhh!"

Ava: "Mommy must've been a really good little girl."

Me: (Not saying a word, just giving Ava the biggest hug EVER!)

Hate: The thought of the little girl magic fading away, leaving them to see how flawed and unfinished I am.

Hate: That Back to the Future wasn't based on a true story. That I can't hop in Doc Brown's time machine and revisit every blessed stage of their sweet lives.

Love: Them.

*picture by the amazing Danielle Paynter